Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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