I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
