ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wish you could order shots online.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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