She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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