Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
