there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
