I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
