True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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