remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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