Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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