"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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