and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
