i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
