While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
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5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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