I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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