His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
