Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
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He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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