Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
