We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
