dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
