There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
