SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
