I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
