some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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