I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
