She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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