What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
