Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
