Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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