I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
