what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize