why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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