I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
