Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
