this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
