Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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