great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
