i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
