Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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