you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
birth control should be required to get into college
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
