I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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