If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
