do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
