Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You've changed since you got that strap on
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
