based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
