babies were throwing up all over the place
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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