Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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