i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
