it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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