i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
