nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
