he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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