I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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