Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
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There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
soo... how was my night?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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