I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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