I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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