covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
