apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
