Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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