As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
