wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
