oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
