How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
