Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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