Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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