I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
