How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
