Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
bring money and cleavage
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
