Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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