Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am naked and annoyed.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
