Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize