operation harelip BJ is a go
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
