Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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