I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
