this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
